So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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