I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you win again, gameday.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
