im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
