and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
