I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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