i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
