I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
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