how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
