Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
