So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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