My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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