Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
