Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
