forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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