I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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