He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize