This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
