I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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