They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
