he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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