Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
