She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
