The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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