used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
