I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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