none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I party with great urgency now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
