She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
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walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
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last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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