They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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