who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
