so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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