I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
