stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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