i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
