woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
