He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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