Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
