John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We need to get me chipped asap
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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