explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
