I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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