we're chasing vodka with high fives
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
