I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You were trust falling into bushes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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