youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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