I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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