Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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