belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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