would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
