I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just high enough for therapy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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