Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
