I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
