My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
