his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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