i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do vagina's smell?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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