I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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