Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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