I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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