I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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