If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
