sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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