I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
