do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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