I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
