Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
