her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
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I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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