Are we in a gay sports bar?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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