Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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